August 4th

There were tornados everywhere. I probably could have escaped from them but I didn't want to? For some reason I conquered my fear of storms? Which doesn't make any sense to me. Then I was at a carnival type thing, but again it was a huge carnival and I was alone. But more alone then last nights dream, I could steal things, and walk through people and no one would even flinch. I was a ghost. Im not sure if that means I have no purpose here or maybe I'm actually dead and just chillin, or maybe I'm just super alone. There was also slight cheating but not as much as before, more of just friendly conversation. So maybe that means I'm feeling better about that? I dunno. still food though. carnival food. 




hm. i don't know.

August 3rd

I haven't posted in awhile because well I stopped sleeping all together. But the nightmares, i'm afraid, have returned. Last night took all my fears and worries to a whole new level. I wont rewrite the whole dream but basically give you the main details and what they mean..


Huge party that stretched across the length of two football fields. (always being alone no matter how many people are there)


a fight or riot broke out at the party (the negativity in the media is killing me.)


"they" cut circles in my arms. all over my arms. (im in pain)


food, lots of food. (i hate being fat)


cheating (worried i'm gonna lose him) 


things aren't going very well. I feel funny a lot. I like being home more than I should. I just wanna stop growing up i guess.