July 14th (hate, hate, hate)

Last night was all about criticism. I'm in a park of some sort, but there's a party going on. People from high school are there. But every time I see one of them, they point and laugh at me. Then I'm sitting on a bench and a group of three girls who I will not name come up and surround me. They tell me how ugly and fat I am. They laugh and spit at me. I run away unable to fight back. Then I'm at a baseball game where my Dad is playing baseball. He is up to bat and my grandma, my mom, and I are standing right behind him. He gets a strike, turns around to see us, and yells to get out of here. I run out of the park towards a tree across the street. I climb the tree to the highest branch and watch the world go beneath me. There is fighting. Animals are dying. People are screaming and crying. I wake up.

July 9th (nap midday terrors)

It's not from my point of view this time. There's a girl with black hair. she's sitting on the porch waiting for someone to answer the door. Finally two guys answer and throw bottles at her. They break against her head and then they keep beating her. The scene changes and I guess she dies because then I'm in her place and i'm her but i can also see her at the same time. I'm in a grave yard. One of those old ones with statues of angels and demons all over the place. I'm wrapped up in bandages and gauze like a mummy and I have to stare into the eyes of the angel statues and I can't blink or else they blind me and kill me. My eyes burn but I start to control them. One by one they dissolve but then the others get stronger. Time jumps ahead and I am no longer the girl but viewing from a distance again. Two girls walk into the grave yard when the girl from before rises from her grave, her bandages disintegrating and falling off her body. She floats above them and her eyes are on fire. The rest of the statues begin to come alive and their eyes begin catching on fire as well. The scene goes black and I hear screams and screeches. This goes on for awhile and I wake up.

July 9th (jealous)

we were doing a show in my old school. I don't even know why. She was there, and he was there. and i was there. She yelled and told me what a bitch i was. He said she was right. I don't wanna write about this anymore. 

July 8th (trying to do some good)

I'm trying to ride through this path to get back to a family reunion at someone's house that I have never been to. I have to ride a horse/dog/thing there but sometimes it won't go fast or it just stops all together. I get lost and these little troll like people are chasing me the whole way. Finally I make it back to the house and everyone is there including Jeremy but then we all have to do school work except mine is done already. So Jeremy ignores me even after he finishes his work so i get mad at him but then he's like oh it's okay you're moving. I wake up...then go throw up some


--


I have to live in this house that looks like a trailer park on the outside but really it's just a little apartment thing. It was lexi's old room and I have to live by myself now. I want to do something with it so I decide to turn it into a children's day care center since all I found in the room were little dolls. I go searching for wallpaper and find a box of things from my childhood where wallpaper is supposed to be stored. As i'm going through the wallpaper selections there are horrifying pictures of statues with no eyes and angels being eaten by fish. The rest of the dream is fuzzy. and I wake up.

July 2nd (again?)

I forgot to add another dream I had this morning because I was a little too upset to think about anything else. Nothing exciting really but I had the voices dream again. But this time it was different. An elderly women was screaming my name but not like a sweet elderly women. A witchy type. Her screams caused me to wake up with horrible chillsweats. It didn't last long like it usually does but still I wish these ones would stop.

July 2nd (reliving memories)

One night I went with my family and a big group of other people to Red Lobster for dinner. No reason, just because. Well I will never go to red lobster with a big group again. That night was my first panic attack/breakdown in public. For some reason everyone thought it would be cool to gang up on me the whole dinner. They even got the waiter in on it. Telling me how stupid and incapable I was. I screamed fuck you and ran. I don't regret it. I was hurt. I spent the remainder of the time in the bathroom. Then people got mad at me because well I never figured that out. They never said why or apologized. I just got sent out to the car. Cause it was obviously my fault. Well that was one of the most humiliating times in my life. I try to forget it but for some reason, last night I dreamt it. 




awesome. 

July 1st (bugs and parties)

i'm at a party. I'm not exactly sure whose but I know I've been there before. The house is white with brown shutters. An upper middle class type of house. There's a knock on the door so I go to answer it and It's boy1 with his friends and he's so drunk. But standing next to him is his twin or clone or whatever (weird cause he doesn't have a twin) and the twin is 100% sober. Drunk boy is on the verge of passing out and I need to take him to the hospital. Sober boy says I don't need to and drags his twin away. I wake up.


-- 


I'm at dinner with some people I really don't know. I have a bowl in my hand filled with milk or something. I get up and take it to the bathroom. I throw it away, bowl and all. Then there's a big scale. in the center of the bathroom. Every time a girl walks in she discretely steps on the scale. I want to step on it. See what damage has been done but I step on it and one of the people I'm having dinner with sees me. She stares at me confused. I say nothing but she continues to stare. She asks me if I got discharged. (from what? i'm not sure? hospital i guess) I say yes and leads me back to this family that is not mine. The scene switches to some sort of track. We're riding these carts down this big winding road but its so hard to control. I try to drag my feet but I just can't. I have to keep repeating this but every time there is a different person in my cart. I wake up.


--


Im in my house. My mom is cleaning but comes upstairs saying that there is a bug downstairs, ripping the wings off a bird. I sneak down the stairs to see and a dragon fly but smaller is ripping the wings off a bird just like she said. It doesn't look ferocious but it's actions are. The bird cries. Mom tells me I can't go near it or else it will rip my wings off. I continue throughout the rest of the dream running from it. I wake up.