June 30th (cupcakes)

last night I dreamt of cupcakes. Food. I ate so much. They were vanilla cupcakes with the sweetest and creamiest vanilla icing swirled on top. Each had a different color cherry. I had four cupcakes and I didn't even feel guilty about it. I then had a cake. a chocolate cake with peanut butter icing, and then a raspberry cheesecake. best dream i've had in a long time. I kept eating and never had to stop

June 28th (cheerleaders?)

We were in school, and by we i mean like every single person I know. We her all in uniforms and cheerleading because i really have no clue why. Jeremy and I started to salsa but then I got swung around and Morgan Katey Kaileen and Lexi all stood around me and started screaming at me. They kept saying how bad of a friend I was and telling me everything I did wrong. I went to Jeremy to talk to him about it but he just replied with, "maybe they're right, maybe you're just an awful friend". Then he got mad at me and I ran into the cafeteria of my elementary school and *boy1* saw that I was upset and bought me a cookie. I woke up.

June 27th (nada)

hello all, sorry i have not been blogging for a few days. I really haven't dreamed much. Monday night I did not sleep at all. Went to bed at 4am and woke up at 8am. Then last night i had very small pointless dreams with no real symbolic message i don't think. Unless the message is, "your hamster is going to die soon". and if thats the case, well crap. 




anyways, i'll try to sleep tonight and dream some awesome metaphorically and philosophically confusing dream. :) 

June 25th (voices with a side of forgetfullness)

Most of the night consisted of the voices. Screaming, but in a different language or something cause i could not understand it at all. It was pretty annoying and then I got woken up by the loudest crash of thunder ever. So i basically almost peed my pants. 


--


The next dream was pretty bad but it's okay. Jeremy came home but didn't care to see me. It was like he forgot about me. He ignored me and goes on flirting with other girls etc. I wake up crying a few times. 


**but he is home today! nothing to fear! :) 

June 22nd (i couldn't even come up with a title for what happened last night)

I enter a room that looks like a music hall type thing. (probably because it is) Jeremy is having a break in the tour and doing a concert at home. I finally get to see him and everything is wonderful. Something happens and we have to spend the night. I sit with Jeremy watching TV and my parents appear out of nowhere and start yelling. Saying i'm immature, a slut, and worthless. I fight back and try to ignore them. But I end up taking Dad out in the hall to ask him why he hates me so much. We get in a huge argument and everything switches to a show i'm supposed to be in. Apparently I had been having breakdowns throughout the show because the director comes up to me and tells me that if I have one more screw up I have to leave. I get upset and vent to some girl I've never seen before and the director finds out and starts yelling. She screams and gets bigger and I get smaller. I run away and start hyperventilating. (in real life) I wake up. 




--second dream--


I fall back to sleep seconds later and realize I'm supposed to be at college. Everyone is going to Penn State while I am going to Australia for some reason, but I have to drive there myself. It's raining hard and very windy and I have to stay along this narrow road. A sign appears that says 'Keep Car to the Side because of Train Tracks' The train tracks are magnetic and if the car touches them they both burst into flames. I try as hard as I can to keep the car to the side but it keeps getting caught on the tracks. The car is on fire and I have to break the glass to get out. I start running away from the smoke figuring I can just walk there. I start climbing steps that are freakishly high. I wake up. 

June 21st (revenge of the x's and a horror film)

I stand in a sanctuary of some kind. It's white and gold and has a lot of steps everywhere but I can't tell exactly where I am. Number 1 appears and we start talking like we haven't seen each other in forever (which we haven't) Time goes really fast like days go by and we're still talking (like in a movie) He says he has to show me something and brings me to to a white room where a song is playing. I start crying because it was a song he showed me when we were together. We hug, he vanishes. I turn around and there stands number two. (he's taller, more attractive, but creepy as hell) I won't go into details but basically I get extremely taken advantage of. He turns into a sort of monster, and i have to run. I finally get to a door and I wake up.**

**I would like to note that I often have dreams of cheating, but in them I always wake up crying and while I'm in the dream I never want to cheat. So if you try and tell me that maybe I want to cheat to cheat on jeremy, no. I have already thought about this. but at no time in the dream do I ever actually want to cheat. EVER. so chill. i love him more than life itself. no worries. 

--second dream--

I'm at a party at my house but there are many people I don't know. During the party, there is some sort of killing off of people. Almost like a game. The last person to stay alive was the winner. The beings in charge would watch us from another room as our parents and family were picked off first. Then the souls and ghosts of our ancestors and relatives would appear to us in a room to tell us it was time to go. Once it was time to go you would catch on fire but feel no pain. You would disintegrate and then you lost the game. Everyone around me disappears until I am the second to last one. I wake up.  

June 20th (finally)

Well after about a week of not sleeping or dreaming, I finally slept last night. All night. No extreme dreams although I did have a few dreams that I happily slept through. Jeremy comes home and we spend the day together. It's a dull colored dream and we're dressed in 20's clothing. (don't ask i have no idea) We go out to see my grandparents but to get to their house we have to climb a multitude of steps that keep going and going. Finally we get to a long hallway. Basically things like this keep happening until I finally see my Poppy and Phedra (their dog). The rest of the dream reminds me a lot of an old 50's family. The men chat and watch the news while I make dinner and clean the kitchen. Strange but satisfying. I wake up. 

June 19th

I'm aware I haven't blogged very exciting things today but I actually haven't slept since Friday so there's nothing really to update you on except last night I had a small dream about putting Disney characters in chronological order and then having a large dinner with them in the attic of a camper. not taking my medicine to night hopefully that's the reason I haven't been sleeping.

June 18th (lucid dreaming)

I did it. I completed the first step of lucid dreaming: realizing i'm dreaming and that none of it is real. I was back at my old school again, in the lunchroom, talking to people that I haven't made amends with yet. They acted like we never fought. Then I went home to a party. The party included; Jeremy, his family, and a girl I will not name here. (but one i'm not too fond of) When jeremy walked through the door I remembered thinking about dreaming and then started wondering if this was a dream or reality. I knew it couldn't be reality because Jeremy is in Europe and doesn't come home until next Sunday and I knew there was no way(as much as I would love it) that he would come home early. I also realized this girl and him do not talk, so there is no way he would bring her to my house knowing I do not like her. I stopped the dream and told the people that they were not real. It helped put things in perspective for me but after that nothing else really happened. I couldn't control anything as much as I tried but I guess that takes practice. The next few dreams weren't as easy for me, I could not tell if they were real or not, nor do I think I even tried really. They were the embarrassing dream types: naked in front of hundreds of people, accidentally cheating. Awful, but not traumatizing. And I wake up. 

June 17 (insomnia)

haven't actually slept since I had the night terror. anxiety is kicking in right now as I pace around my basement in the middle of the night. took two Advilpm: not affective. hopefully I'll just collapse on the floor here soon.

June 17 (voices)

Sometimes when I don't sleep as soundly as other nights, I have a lot of short dreams. These dreams have no plot, no setting, only voices. My mind is black but the voices are loud and intense. They say my name over and over or they scream blood curdling screams that make my ears ring. I wake up but then go back to sleep and it happens all over again. This cycle repeats four or five times throughout the night. I wake up for good. 

June 13th (reoccurring dream)

I enter a building that I assume is a school because all of the people in it are former classmates and teachers. Once a year there is a day that is completely devoted to abusing me. I walk throughout the school not knowing what to expect when a boy slightly taller than I, whips me with a long thorny stick from behind. I turn around and the boy jabs me in the eye with the stick, I cry tears of red causing me to go partially blind. I continue running through the halls trying to hide. I find an empty room with a large desk in the center. I crawl underneath it but as soon as I get under it, it dissolves. A group of girls I have never seen before hold hammers. Each one takes turns throwing them at me. Five hammers fy at me breaking my nose and causing me to stumble, but I can't run away. Finally, a teacher of mine from elementary school comes in an the group becomes distracted as I run away. I run through the double glass doors almost outside when I am tripped and surrounded by ten or twenty people. They spit at me and kick me until my ribs break. (in past dreams, it ends here with me going into a coma and dying) I manage to crawl away and run to my car. The car won't accelerate as fast as I'd like it to but as least it moves. On the drive home, I can hear the screams of the people after me. White faces with black eyes stare at me in the rearview mirror. I finally come home to my parents waiting for me, the know what happens every year and say I must stay at the house until everyone is finished with me. It transitions to the next day back at school where everyone ignores everything that happened. I have a panic attack in a glass hallway and the people surround me again like the day before. They start closing in on me and I begin to hyperventilate. (in the dream, and in real life.) I wake up.